three green and speckled frogs

all go down together

Have I told you that I love Will Ferrell with all of my heart? And I love a Billy Joel song covered by the entire cast of SNL.

Fritz: Any summer plans, gentlemen? Any vacay-cays coming your way way way?
Kenan: Yeah I think the missus and I are heading down to Mexico for a couple weeks in June.
Fritz: Oooh. Mexico, land of the rising sun. I love it. How about you, Keith?
Keith: Well, with the new baby it's going to be more like a staycation, as in stay-up-while-she-cries-cation.
Fritz: Yeah, sometimes the gift of life is the gift of having no life. How about you Ray? Where in the world is Raymond Federico going?
Ray: Well, Jennifer and I have always wanted to travel through Southeast Asia, maybe hit Laos, Cambodia, Thailand, Vietnam. You've been to Vietnam, haven't you, Fritz?
Keith: Fritz, what was Vietnam like? Fritz? Is that a helicopter?

We met as soul mates
On parris island
We left as inmates
From an asylum
And we were sharp
As sharp as knives
And we were so gung ho
To lay down our lives

Kenan: Ok, when was he in Vietnam?
Keith: He went there on vacation, like four years ago. What time of year did you go?

We had no cameras
To shoot the landscape
We passed the hash pipe
And played our doors tapes
And it was dark
So dark at ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-night
And we held on to each other
Like brother to brother
We promised our mothers we'd write
And we would all go down together
We said we'd all go down together
Yes we would all go down together

Ray: Wow. So he just visited Vietnam, like a tourist?
Keith: Yeah.
Kenan: Did something bad happen to him?
Keith: I think he lost his luggage.

We held the day
In the palm
Of our hand
They ruled the night
And the night
Seemed to last as long as six weeks
On parris island
We held the coastline
They held the highlands
And they were sharp
As sharp as kni-kni-kni-kni-kni-knives
They heard the hum of our motors
They counted the rotors
And waited for us to arrive
And we would all go down together
We said we'd all go down together
Yes we would all go down together

Keith: Wait a second. He just left without paying.
Ray: Why do we always fall for that?

gay dog brothel

Apparently I completely forgot to mention that my aunt's brothel is a gay brothel. With doggie daycare for gay dogs only. Straight dogs get eaten. Not by other dogs. That would be cannibalism. The dogs eat straight people.

It's really a perfect system that addresses both human and canine overpopulation. China should really be endorsing gay dog brothels. It's like A Modest Proposal, only gayer. And brothel-er. And hilarious-er.

See. My aunt is a pioneer. Revolutionary. In a perfect world, her work in gay dog brothels might win her the Nobel Prize someday. Sadly, though, she may never be recognized as the genius she is. She is ahead of her time.

Give it like 100 years. They'll be writing books about her.

hilariously misguided

My aunt, god bless her, ever looking out for my immortal soul, left this piece of paper by my computer last night when I wasn't looking. It has a url on it: www.exwitch.com. I believe she's operating on the assumption that my religious views now are the same as they were 10 years ago, which they are definitely not. I find it quite funny. Even if I were still a fruity pagan instead of a disenchanted agnostic/dare-god-to-exist deist, it's just a total miss. But oh how she means well.

It's not her fault, really. She rebelled against her Catholic upbringing just like I did, only in a very different way. She is a super-Baptist missionary person, which is great for her. Something about China fits with her personality.

I'll give her props for trying, I guess. And being a sneaky shit about it.

Oh, the fam, and the complicated love I have for them. Le sigh. That's just how it goes.

p.s. I still think her "missionary work" is just a cover for the brothel she runs. (Not really. But it's terribly hilarious to think about.) Madame Elaine. Hahaha.

i'm bored

This is me (or my feet, at least), reclining in my surgeon's office, waiting. Hopefully this will be the last time I have to see him.

Waiting is boring. I think I will go to Borders after this and buy a book to read so I don't go crazy at work. It's slow during intersession.

mondrianmobile

One of the fancy art cars we saw driving on Brookside on Saturday. It was my favorite. There was one that looked like a guitar, and even one that looked like a pirate ship!

forest party

from the book i am reading right now

"Maybe, I thought, I don't need a father to be happy. Maybe, what you get from a father you can get somewhere else, from somebody else, later. Or maybe you can just work around what's missing, build the house of your life over the hole that is there and always will be."

watching the storm roll in

carrot cake ziggurat

Andrea made Dave a step-pyramid cake (at his request) for his birthday, which we did not eat last night because we were so full from the Brazilian steakhouse.

It looks delicious. I'm excited to eat some.