i am falling into a chasm

One of my coworkers quit on Friday. This means that her position (head of e-resources, also Nathan's assistant) is open. I am going to apply for the job even though I feel like I would rather shoot myself in the head than be Nathan's assistant. I actually don't think I'll get it because I have no degrees at all and I think they want someone with a degree, in something. Most likely Library Science or something similar. But, yeah. I don't know. It's full time, with benefits. I'm sure I could do it.

But it makes me feel sick just thinking about it. I kind of hate my boss. (Not Melanie. Nathan.) I kind of really hate him. I don't with death on him or anything. He's not a bad person, I don't think. Not like Krystal's bosses. But still. I seriously think he's a big part of the reason she quit. She has the most contact with him, and I know, even though she never really said it, that she respects him not much at all.

I hate my hormones. I really do. I know I am supposed to love them and then they magically get better because of some psychological/Jesus/voodoo magic. Or they can't get better until my I get rid of my self-loathing poison-thoughts or something. But, shit. The hormones affect my mood in the first place. They make me want to hate them. With their androgens. Or is it estrogen I have too much of? I don't even know. (I think it's both, actually, at different times, for different reasons.)

Fuck all of it though. Just fuck it all. And fuck my childhood experiences with doctors that makes me hate them all.

God. I want to go home and cry some. Everything is the worst.

barfaroni

Ok, so I spent the first three hours of work today doing some of the most boring shit imaginable.

Here's a little taste:

"I made Word documents with the wireless printing instructions, which I have uploaded to the wiki. The .pdf instructions for XP require an HP driver installation cd, which I don't think we have. They won't work. I have written instructions to work with the .exe file I uploaded to the wiki and which can be downloaded via the link I provided. (It is also on the circ desktop.) I have set up the circ computer to print to the 9050. My instructions for XP have not been tested on a laptop yet and may require revisions. The Vista instructions are fairly straightforward and there shouldn't be any problem with them. They do not require any driver installation. They are the same as the .pdf instructrions except for the IP address and the printer model (9050n instead of 9040n). This should make no difference because the drivers are the same for both models. Either set of Vista instructions should work fine."

Gross! Doesn't that just make you want die? It does me.

Blech. Worst part is I am going to have to continue fucking with this shit for a while. Ugh.

That douchebag better appreciate me.