One of my coworkers quit on Friday. This means that her position (head of e-resources, also Nathan's assistant) is open. I am going to apply for the job even though I feel like I would rather shoot myself in the head than be Nathan's assistant. I actually don't think I'll get it because I have no degrees at all and I think they want someone with a degree, in something. Most likely Library Science or something similar. But, yeah. I don't know. It's full time, with benefits. I'm sure I could do it.
But it makes me feel sick just thinking about it. I kind of hate my boss. (Not Melanie. Nathan.) I kind of really hate him. I don't with death on him or anything. He's not a bad person, I don't think. Not like Krystal's bosses. But still. I seriously think he's a big part of the reason she quit. She has the most contact with him, and I know, even though she never really said it, that she respects him not much at all.
I hate my hormones. I really do. I know I am supposed to love them and then they magically get better because of some psychological/Jesus/voodoo magic. Or they can't get better until my I get rid of my self-loathing poison-thoughts or something. But, shit. The hormones affect my mood in the first place. They make me want to hate them. With their androgens. Or is it estrogen I have too much of? I don't even know. (I think it's both, actually, at different times, for different reasons.)
Fuck all of it though. Just fuck it all. And fuck my childhood experiences with doctors that makes me hate them all.
God. I want to go home and cry some. Everything is the worst.
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1 comment:
Dont make me run and jump and hug you.
Because you know I will.
I am sorry it sucks. I hope you have a good cry that honors it, and that then you are spirit-cuddled in a soft and gentle way, and then bathed in fairy kisses that make you giggle.
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