open bar, i love you

The food is pretty good. The alcohol is free. Not too shabby. Also I'm kind of drunk.

i hate church

And yet, here I am. It's not a Catholic church, so it's not as big of a deal. Happy your sister's wedding, Jacob.

oh, the fam

The reason I am blogging this and not responding directly to the person who, I am sure without really knowing it, pissed me off is because it's pointless to try and explain. He won't get it. I hardly ever see him. He's just straight and clueless and it's not his fault, I guess. So why stir up shit or attempt to argue when nothing good will come of it?

So I'll just vent it here. It's really about one of my lovely relatives missing the point entirely, which is what they love to do all the bloody time. It can be intensely frustrating. Also it's about heterocentrism.

It really is quite silly, so I find it amusing that I'm so mad. Part of it is situational. I'm mad in general right now for reasons some of you are aware of. Anyway. Also, I think it's ridiculous to have facebook drama. Which is why I am castrating the drama by just vomiting my feelings out here, where they can't make anything worse.

Ok. So there's an article about some gay penguins in a zoo in Berlin who have a baby. I posted a link on facebook and said that I wished the world were made up of gay penguins (and their too-cute babies). And then my uncle (who is my friend on facebook, to try and facilitate familial communication, which has always been a problem) comments on the link and says "But... if all the penguins were gay, there would be no penguin babies. No too-cute penguin babies anymore...sigh."

The first thing I thought when I read that was, "Has the whole world got Asperger's?!" Because it's such an Asperger's thing to do to take my fantasy (which I am so aware is just a fantasy, a daydream that's adorable and makes me smile) and find the logical holes in it. Or maybe it's just an asshole thing to do. Or a stupid straight thing to do. "But how will they reproduce?" I don't care. The world will never be made up of gay penguins, so I really don't think it's a vital question, or something that even needs to be brought up, ever.

If I want to imagine a world that is populated exclusively by gay penguins, I fucking can. And those people who get it and realize that I'm not really concerned with the practical aspects of starting a gay penguin colony keep their fucking mouths shut about it. Or they think it's cool, and enjoy the gay penguin fantasy as much as I do. Because, good lord, it's not now, nor has it ever been, about the feasibility of gay penguin societies. (Which, honestly, I think are perfectly feasible, but that is neither here nor there.)

My favorite part of the comment was the "sigh" at the end. Like a sigh for me being so much gayer than he thought I was based on our holiday interactions. Or a sigh for me threatening his heterosexuality by implying that I'd like to live in a world full of queers. Or a sigh for me being so misguided. "Oh, that Natalie, she wants the world to be full of gay penguins, but she fails to see the fatal flaw in her plan." Like I'm the one who doesn't get it. Please. If I want to fantasize about sending all the straight people to the moon, it's only because I live in a straight world and I get awfully tired of being reminded of the fact that I'm not "normal" day in and day out.

That seems to be the straight default though, defensiveness. Like they fear in the back of their minds that gay people might really send them to the moon someday. So they make sure and remind everyone that gay people can't reproduce. But. Gay people can and do reproduce. So the argument doesn't hold any water.

This kind of thing is why contact with my extended family is rather limited. I love them to death, but they just don't get it. And they never will, and that's ok. I can live with that. I have a wonderful immediate family and friend-family and they are so amazing that if I think about it too much I'll cry out of overwhelming joy, love and gratitude.

So what I take away from this experience is that there are certain people you love, and you keep them close to your heart and they know all your secrets and understand you so well it's frightening, and then there are other people you love (not any less than the others) and they maybe are bad for you, or don't really understand you, or something, and you hold them a little bit back, for your own protection, and that is ok. It is just life.

I am not lacking in love, though. I know that for sure. And I mean the kind of love that knows you, allows no secrets, and is pure and good and enriching and supportive. I have that shit in spades. I don't need my extended family to understand me. I need to be able to get along with them. I need to appreciate them and enjoy their company in small doses, which I do. Even though I am sometimes sad that I do not see them very much, I know that it is for the best.

Families are hard. That is just the way it goes. But you see pieces of yourself in them, and sometimes you make sense around them. It's like they are the last piece of the puzzle of your makeup, and to be complete you must acknowledge your origins. You don't have to hang out with your origins all the time, or even have any contact with them, ever. But you do have to know about your own history in all of its fucked, imperfect glory. Because you come from that, and you are (probably) amazing. People who made something as fantastic and awesome as you can't be all bad. Or maybe they can be, and you are the only existing shred of virtue and goodness, and your job is to escape and make something better of your life.

Or maybe your job is to rewrite history and make your life what you want it to be. Maybe you want to be descended from pirates and if you say it enough, you will be. History is pliable in a way most people don't comprehend. Lies, removed enough from reality by time, become the truth. No account of history is infallible, so you might as well make yours what you want it to be. Sometimes the "truth" is immaterial. This is where "realer than reality" comes into play.

And if you get it, you do, and if you don't, you're probably related to me.

box of forgotten flash drives (a.k.a. lrc lost and found)

ex libris

This is the most fabulous bookplate I have ever seen:


I found it on this dorky old-book blog I like called BibliOdyssey. Seriously, though, it makes me want to steal it and put it in all my books. I'd photoshop my name in there, of course. Or else it would just say, "This book belongs to some old dead guy whose name you can't read." And that would be slightly less cool than a personalized "Natalie" cello-playing skeleton bookplate.

LGBT pride month

THE WHITE HOUSE
Office of the Press Secretary

___________________________________________________________
For Immediate Release June 1, 2009

LESBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, AND TRANSGENDER PRIDE MONTH, 2009
- - - - - - -
BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
A PROCLAMATION

Forty years ago, patrons and supporters of the Stonewall Inn in New York City resisted police harassment that had become all too common for members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community. Out of this resistance, the LGBT rights movement in America was born. During LGBT Pride Month, we commemorate the events of June 1969 and commit to achieving equal justice under law for LGBT Americans.

LGBT Americans have made, and continue to make, great and lasting contributions that continue to strengthen the fabric of American society. There are many well-respected LGBT leaders in all professional fields, including the arts and business communities. LGBT Americans also mobilized the Nation to respond to the domestic HIV/AIDS epidemic and have played a vital role in broadening this country's response to the HIV pandemic.

Due in no small part to the determination and dedication of the LGBT rights movement, more LGBT Americans are living their lives openly today than ever before. I am proud to be the first President to appoint openly LGBT candidates to Senate-confirmed positions in the first 100 days of an Administration. These individuals embody the best qualities we seek in public servants, and across my Administration -- in both the White House and the Federal agencies -- openly LGBT employees are doing their jobs with distinction and professionalism.

The LGBT rights movement has achieved great progress, but there is more work to be done. LGBT youth should feel safe to learn without the fear of harassment, and LGBT families and seniors should be allowed to live their lives with dignity and respect.

My Administration has partnered with the LGBT community to advance a wide range of initiatives. At the international level, I have joined efforts at the United Nations to decriminalize homosexuality around the world. Here at home, I continue to support measures to bring the full spectrum of equal rights to LGBT Americans. These measures include enhancing hate crimes laws, supporting civil unions and Federal rights for LGBT couples, outlawing discrimination in the workplace, ensuring adoption rights, and ending the existing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in a way that strengthens our Armed Forces and our national security. We must also commit ourselves to fighting the HIV/AIDS epidemic by both reducing the number of HIV infections and providing care and support services to people living with HIV/AIDS across the United States.

These issues affect not only the LGBT community, but also our entire Nation. As long as the promise of equality for all remains unfulfilled, all Americans are affected. If we can work together to advance the principles upon which our Nation was founded, every American will benefit. During LGBT Pride Month, I call upon the LGBT community, the Congress, and the American people to work together to promote equal rights for all, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim June 2009 as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month. I call upon the people of the United States to turn back discrimination and prejudice everywhere it exists.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this first day of June, in the year of our Lord two thousand nine, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-third.

BARACK OBAMA

___________________________________________________________

I learned about this proclamation yesterday. Mom sent me a link to it. I was too pissed about Obama's lackluster support of marriage rights to really let it sink in. Sometimes I get mad at Barack Obama for not being perfect. And I don't understand why he won't just come right out and support marriage equality. I can't tell if it's a Jesus thing or a political maneuvering thing. And for me, civil unions are something, but really not fucking good enough. I think it's bullshit and it makes me mad. I may or may not have been really bitter and resentful about something completely unrelated last night (well not completely unrelated, but that is a horse of a different color... whatever) and that may or may not have influenced my reaction to the proclamation. I have to remind myself that Barack Obama is one of the best friends gay people have these days, politicianwise, anyway.

puppy punches

Tyler thought it would be really awesome to walk all over Dave while he was napping on the couch.

this is how bored i am

I should be reading.

someone loves camping (and standing on one foot)

evening in the garden of snap peas and maté gourds

Andrea is watering her little sprouting plants. The wall of bricks is to keep Tyler from destroying her garden. All her plants are tiny and cute and little babies and I love snap peas.